The Child Who Had No Manners (And She Was Dirty, Too)

Excerpt from 101 Simple Lessons for Life by Marsh Marks

What if a child came to your church and you knew the child’s mother was a single woman who worked in a bar? What if you knew that mother had been married several times and had not used good judgment on any of the marriages? What if the child was not well dressed or very clean, had no manners, and was loud and disruptive? What if you knew the mother took the child to church only so she could have some time off, and the child seemed to want to cause trouble just to get attention?

How would you act toward that child? Would you be kind? Would you treat the child so special she would beg to be able to come back? Would you make the child feel as important as another kid with nice clothes and a solid home, who was clean, and used manners and smelled wonderful? Would you use the extra patience it would take to get to the heart of the problem with that child? Would you love her so she could understand what the Bible means by “he quiets us with his love”?

I am asking that because, years ago, I was that dirty child from a broken home. I was a child that caused everyone to shake their heads when my mother dropped me off at the local church on Sundays and Wednesdays. I was that child with no manners. I was the child you would have voted most likely to fail.

But in the church where my mom dropped me off, I discovered a nurturing group of people who seemed to think I was worth something. Sunday school teachers who went the second mile for me when I had no way of paying them for the first. And church people who told me about characters in the Bible who seemed to have it worse than I did.

First, there was this guy, Joseph, who was dropped in a well by his brothers. This other guy, David, was hiding from a crazy king who wanted to kill him. And there was this girl, Rahab, who had been known to work in a job that wasn’t respected, yet who ended up being mentioned as one of the most faithful people in the Bible. Another girl, Esther, whose parents were no where around, was selected to accomplish a mission that saved the lives of all God’s people.

In Sunday school lessons, I learned of a God who could use anyone or anything committed to him. A God who could take something awful and completely change it so you would never recognize what it used to be. And I learned from the way my teachers treated me that God’s view of everything was different than the world’s. That God saw everyone as having been at one time on the “wrong side of the track,” and what was important was not where we had been but where we were headed. The little church I went to as a child had people in it who seemed to feel that if they acted out God’s love toward a small, dirty child from a broken home, it would make a difference.

And it has.

“Love one another as I have loved you” – John 13:34

Parenting Tips from Turanski and Miller

February 26, 2010

Bad Attitudes Come In Three Arenas

A bad attitude is a challenge to family life and frustrates many a parent. Furthermore, if children don’t learn how to deal with their attitude, they grow up to be adults with bad attitudes. One way to help children overcome a bad attitude is to take it apart and help them deal with it in smaller pieces. Children are tempted to have a bad attitude in three prominent areas: when given an instruction, when corrected, and when given a “no” answer. One mom put a sign up in her kitchen listing those three areas with the heading, “Three opportunities for a good attitude.” Take time to talk about attitude with your children. Discuss the importance and benefits of a good attitude. Help your children understand these three areas and even warn your child when one of them is coming. Coach your children to have a better response. The next time your child demonstrates a bad attitude, don’t just point out the negative but teach how to respond rightly. When given an instruction, a child might say, “Okay Mom,” in a pleasant tone of voice. When corrected, it would be helpful to say, “I’m sorry.” When receiving a “no” answer, children might say to themselves, “Okay, maybe another time.” A bad attitude is often a sign of an angry spirit and the groaning, rolled eyes, sarcasm, stomping feet, or disgusted look are all attempts to communicate dissatisfaction with the situation. Gently point out these bad habits and help your children to practice better responses. Be careful of your own harshness in the process and look for ways to break the problem down into manageable pieces.

Look what the tide brought in!

Our sails are set in a whole new direction out of Anchor Bay, the new name for children’s ministries here at Shoreline. In addition to the ongoing changes to the physical space (the new kids worship center is getting closer to reality), you’ll see our new logo popping up in all kinds of places. Check it out in the upper right corner of this page.
Changes are happening in the classrooms as well.  We are easing into the 252 Basics curriculum in our K-5th classes. This material is Bible at its core while also dealing with key character traits of Christ-followers. The overarching theme is developed on three points:

1)    I need to make the right choice
2)    I can trust God no matter what
3)    I should treat others the way I want to be treated

The rollout of this material requires a change in classroom procedure, part of which is the timely start of the morning lesson in your child’s classroom. And for that we’re asking for your help

Starting March 7, 2010 our new classroom check-in times will be:

1st  Service (8:30):     Check-in    8:20 –   8:35 am
2nd Service (10:00): Check-in    9:50 – 10:05 am
3rd Service(11:30):    Check-in   11:20 – 11:35 am

On those mornings when the family just can’t get here any sooner, there is now a Family Worship Venue in Room 1108, located off the main lobby. The day’s Fridge Card and God Time card from class will be available at the Anchor Bay station there.

We look forward to navigating the waters of change with you and your family as we set sail on a lifetime adventure with Jesus.

If you plan to Dive In, get your fingers printed!

If you are planning to “Dive in for 2010″ to Children’s ministry as a new volunteer, stop by and get your fingers printed on Sunday, November 22.  Providing a safe environment for our children is important to us and so we require that everyone who works with our children be fingerprinted.  On November 22, we will offer in house fingerprinting from 8:30 am to 12:30 pm.  You will find us set-up just outside the Shoreline Bookstore.  Please bring a picture ID with you that day.  If you have any questions, contact Stephanie Maxey

Shoreline Kids – “Diving In to 2010″

Shoreline Kidz will set sail in 2010 as Anchor Bay and would love to have you on board!

We are currently rethinking the way we minister to children and their families and want you to be a part of this movement. We hope to effectively partner with parents and work together towards making a difference in the lives of the children entrusted to our care. It can be so much smoother sailing when we work together.

While children are in the elementary years, we want them to pursue a lifestyle of discovery, where their identity is determined by a personal relationship with Christ, and then help them see how to reflect God’s character. Our approach in Anchor Bay will be based on Luke 2:52 that says, “Jesus grew in wisdom and stature, and in favor with God and men.” With the foundation of this scripture, we will use a variety of methods to teach children how to make wise decisions, trust God no matter what, and treat others the way they want to be treated.

If you would like to be a part of the launch of Anchor Bay, whether with facility development, curriculum construction, or hands-on in the classroom, you are invited to come learn more Monday, November 23 from 6:30-8:30 p.m. in the G-Force room. Put your goggles on, grab a lifesaver, and jump on board! To save your spot or get more information, contact Pastor Roy or Stephanie Maxey in the Children’s Ministry Department. Come join the crew!

Princess Tea Party

Grandmothers, Mothers, Daughters and Friends:
Princesses of all ages are invited to join us for a princess tea party on October 10th from 3-5 pm.

There is no charge for this event, we simply ask that you bring your favorite tea party treats to share. You can sign up for what dish you would like to bring in the lobby or email Eliza Fitzgerald.

We are also looking for volunteers to sponsor a table to decorate. You can sign up for this in the lobby or by email as well.

We are looking forward to this fun chance to get dressed up and celebrate as the beautiful princess that God made us to be.

Building Relationships with your Children

• • • • •
Parenting Tip

September 11, 2009

Building Relationship Makes Kids More Responsive

Many parents see a problem and start giving instructions immediately. This often means that they yell across the parking lot or bark commands from the other side of the house. We believe this approach isn’t the best. It’s not enough to see the need and tell someone to respond to it. That approach doesn’t demonstrate value for the relationship. Parenting isn’t just about getting tasks done; it’s about building relationships at the same time.

Start by getting close to your child. Most of the time this means that before you give an instruction you call your child over to you. This presents a problem in many young families because preschoolers often don’t come when they’re called. The fact is, even older children don’t come when they’re called unless they are taught to do so.

Take time to teach your children how to come when you call them. It takes practice but it’s well worth the work. Parents often ask, “What do I do in the grocery store when I call my preschooler and he runs away?” Well, the grocery store isn’t the place to practice. That’s the final exam! By practicing over and over at home and at the park, children are then able to respond in public.

Like every step in a good instruction routine, getting close to each other requires changes from both child and parent. Children also find it tempting to yell across the house. Now children learn that dialogue only takes place when relationship has been established through eye contact and being physically close together. Sometimes it’s the small things that demonstrate that a parent cares or that a child is willing to listen. Putting down the paper, looking up from the computer, or just turning to face your child before you speak communicates the importance of what you are about to say.

Some parents report major improvement in a child’s responsiveness when they just implement this step and give instructions only when the child is within a few feet. Sometimes that little nonverbal statement about your relationship is all that’s needed to gain a more cooperative attitude from your child.

And what if that doesn’t work? Well, it’s only the first step. Four more steps are yet to come and you can read about them in the book, Good and Angry, Exchanging Frustration for Character In You and Your Kids by Dr. Scott Turansky and Joanne Miller, RN, BSN.

Awana Launch | September 16

Awana at Shoreline Community Church is set to launch on Wednesday, September 16 at 6:30. Registration is still open! Check out the Children’s page to register online or find us in the lobby this Sunday. Questions about Awana? Go to AWANA.org or call the Children’s Ministry office at 655-0100.

On-Site Fingerprinting

ON-SITE FINGERPRINTING COMING SOON!

Here’s a great opportunity for all of you who have wanted to get involved with Awana Club, Sunday School or Special Children’s Events.  Providing a safe environment for our children is important to us and so we require that everyone who works with our children be fingerprinted. On Sunday, September 13 we will offer in house fingerprinting from 8:30 am to 12:30 pm.  You will find us set-up just outside the Shoreline Bookstore.  Please bring a picture ID with you that day.   If you have questions regarding this event  you may email Stacee Johnson, stacee@shorelinechurch.org.

Natural Consequences a Great Parenting Tool.

Parenting Tip

August 24, 2009

Learning from Natural Consequences

Sometimes the best way to help a child is by doing nothing and staying out of the way, allowing a natural consequence to provide the teaching. You’ve probably learned a number of things through natural consequences. Maybe more than you’d like to admit.
- save your sales receipt so you’ll have it if you need to return what you bought
- buy gas when your tank is on “E” even if you’re late for work
- don’t forget to water your plants
- don’t wash your husband’s red sweatshirt with his white underwear

Natural consequences allow life to provide its own lesson without outside intervention. When a parent intentionally stays out of a problem and makes little or no comment, the child has an opportunity to learn from life.

In the Bible, Peter was allowed to experience a natural consequence of lack of faith when he stepped out of the boat in Matthew 14. After he began to sink, however, Jesus was there to help him. Jesus also allowed Peter to make the mistake of denying him three times. No lectures or rebukes were needed; just a look from the master’s eyes and Peter was overcome with remorse. Many times in the gospels, Jesus allowed life to be the teacher and he took on the role of counselor or coach.

Natural consequences often happen if we, as parents, learn to keep quiet. The four-year-old who goes out to play on a hot day wearing a turtleneck learns by experience. The six-year-old who chooses to skip snack because she wants to continue her game may feel the pain later. The ten-year-old who spends all his money on one thing may wish he had not done so. Each of these experiences can be a learning opportunity if the parent responds wisely.

The question then is how are we going to respond? These may be tempting opportunities for parents to condemn, lecture, or put down a child. When you identify these situations in life, they are excellent opportunities to come alongside, express empathy, and help a child learn problem-solving skills.

This idea was taken from the book, Home Improvement, The Parenting Book You Can Read to Your Kids, by Dr. Scott Turansky and Joanne Miller, RN, BSN.

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