This month we are focusing Respect; showing others they are important by what you say and do. Have your kids come and join the Respecter Inspector as we learn: You can show respect with your actions, You respect God when you show respect for people, and You can show respect with your words. “Show proper respect to everyone.” 1 Peter 2:17, NIV
This month we are focusing Respect; showing others they are important by what you say and do. Have your kids come and join the Respecter Inspector as we learn: You can show respect with your actions, You respect God when you show respect for people, and You can show respect with your words. “Show proper respect to everyone.” 1 Peter 2:17, NIV
August 30, 2010
Honor Defined in Practical Terms
Children need to know what Godly character looks like in practical terms. We love the character quality of honor, not just because God commands it, but also because it has so much rich meaning for parents and children. It can give direction in many of the frustrating moments we experience in family life. In fact, every form of selfishness has an honor-based solution.
We say honor is…
Treating people as special,
Doing more than what’s expected,
And having a good attitude.
Use our honor definition or make up your own. The point is that honor changes people. It changes the way that parents relate to their children, the way children relate to each other, and the way children relate to their parents. We all need it.
You can use the concept of honor in correction or when things are going well. You can use it when you teach your children about money, time, and other resources, and you can teach it when conflict comes around. One of the best ways to teach it is on special occasions when someone wins a contest or earns a certificate. You may show honor by giving that person a fancy place at the table or by decorating his or her bedroom door.
Honor is fun. It’s like oil in a machine. It gets work done with less friction and less heat. Every family needs honor. It’s great when things are going well and essential when family relationships are strained. You can work on honor whether your kids are preschoolers or teens. It will change the way your family relates.
August 30, 2010
Honor Defined in Practical Terms
Children need to know what Godly character looks like in practical terms. We love the character quality of honor, not just because God commands it, but also because it has so much rich meaning for parents and children. It can give direction in many of the frustrating moments we experience in family life. In fact, every form of selfishness has an honor-based solution.
We say honor is…
Treating people as special,
Doing more than what’s expected,
And having a good attitude.
Use our honor definition or make up your own. The point is that honor changes people. It changes the way that parents relate to their children, the way children relate to each other, and the way children relate to their parents. We all need it.
You can use the concept of honor in correction or when things are going well. You can use it when you teach your children about money, time, and other resources, and you can teach it when conflict comes around. One of the best ways to teach it is on special occasions when someone wins a contest or earns a certificate. You may show honor by giving that person a fancy place at the table or by decorating his or her bedroom door.
Honor is fun. It’s like oil in a machine. It gets work done with less friction and less heat. Every family needs honor. It’s great when things are going well and essential when family relationships are strained. You can work on honor whether your kids are preschoolers or teens. It will change the way your family relates.
The 2010 Awana year launches on Wednesday, September 15. Register online today! The $5.00 registration fee can be paid the first night of club. Please complete one registration form per child. Need more info? Call 831.655.0100 or email Roy Piña.
The 2010 Awana year launches on Wednesday, September 15. Register online today! The $5.00 registration fee can be paid the first night of club. Please complete one registration form per child. Need more info? Call 831.655.0100 or email Roy Piña.
Help Children Change Their Hearts
Too often parents focus only on behavior, getting the right actions down, but they don’t address the heart. Jesus criticized the Pharisees, saying that they looked good on the outside but their hearts were still not changed. He said, “First clean the inside of the cup and dish, and then the outside also will be clean.”
Focusing on behavior change is not enough. Many parents work hard to help their children look good on the outside. Inadvertently, these parents teach their children “image management” the ability to appear good, clean, and nice. A change of heart is what children really need though.
Unfortunately, you can’t force children to change their hearts. But we can do a lot to motivate them to make the necessary changes. We’ve identified several tools that, when used properly, address the heart. First, use sorrow instead of anger in the discipline process. Parents who misuse this technique often lay a guilt trip on their children. The key is to be genuine. If you, as a parent, look past your anger for a moment you will see that you truly are sad about what your child has done because you know the long-term consequences of such behavior. Reflect it in a gentle way. It’s amazing to see how children will respond.
Another way to influence a child’s heart is to use the scriptures. The Bible has an amazing quality, the ability to pierce through to the thoughts and intentions of the heart. Don’t use the Bible in a harsh way. Instead reveal what the Bible has to say about being kind or respectful or obedient. There’s a lot of wisdom and conviction that comes through the scriptures.
Be sure to talk about the heart during times of correction. “I can see you’re angry because I said no, I’d like you to take a break for a bit and settle your heart down and when you’re ready, come back and we’ll talk about it.” It will take work and a child may need some long times to settle down at first, but a change of heart is worth it in the end. Resolve the tension by having a Positive Conclusion together. Talk about what went wrong and why it was wrong. Address heart issues, not just behavior and help children see things from a deeper perspective.
You may think of some other ideas but whatever you do, don’t rely on simple behavior modification techniques. They don’t go deep enough and often don’t address the real issues.
Help Children Change Their Hearts
Too often parents focus only on behavior, getting the right actions down, but they don’t address the heart. Jesus criticized the Pharisees, saying that they looked good on the outside but their hearts were still not changed. He said, “First clean the inside of the cup and dish, and then the outside also will be clean.”
Focusing on behavior change is not enough. Many parents work hard to help their children look good on the outside. Inadvertently, these parents teach their children “image management” the ability to appear good, clean, and nice. A change of heart is what children really need though.
Unfortunately, you can’t force children to change their hearts. But we can do a lot to motivate them to make the necessary changes. We’ve identified several tools that, when used properly, address the heart. First, use sorrow instead of anger in the discipline process. Parents who misuse this technique often lay a guilt trip on their children. The key is to be genuine. If you, as a parent, look past your anger for a moment you will see that you truly are sad about what your child has done because you know the long-term consequences of such behavior. Reflect it in a gentle way. It’s amazing to see how children will respond.
Another way to influence a child’s heart is to use the scriptures. The Bible has an amazing quality, the ability to pierce through to the thoughts and intentions of the heart. Don’t use the Bible in a harsh way. Instead reveal what the Bible has to say about being kind or respectful or obedient. There’s a lot of wisdom and conviction that comes through the scriptures.
Be sure to talk about the heart during times of correction. “I can see you’re angry because I said no, I’d like you to take a break for a bit and settle your heart down and when you’re ready, come back and we’ll talk about it.” It will take work and a child may need some long times to settle down at first, but a change of heart is worth it in the end. Resolve the tension by having a Positive Conclusion together. Talk about what went wrong and why it was wrong. Address heart issues, not just behavior and help children see things from a deeper perspective.
You may think of some other ideas but whatever you do, don’t rely on simple behavior modification techniques. They don’t go deep enough and often don’t address the real issues.
Understanding Obedience
We live in a society where an emphasis on teaching obedience sounds to some like heavy-handed authoritarianism. Parents don’t want to be dictators so they sometimes move far away from anything that looks like being controlling. This is unfortunate since God is the one who gave the instructions for children to learn obedience. Hidden within this quality are the principles that will make children successful as they get older.
When children learn to obey they learn to give up their own agenda for someone else. They learn to listen to an instruction and follow through with it. They learn how to be responsible, check back, and complete a task. In short, when children learn obedience, they not only make family life easier but they also develop the character that will make them more valuable in the work place, the community, and the world. In fact, learning to obey parents teaches kids what they need in order to obey God.
We say that obedience is “doing what someone says, right away, without being reminded.” Children as young as three years old can memorize this simple definition and understand what it means. Parents sometimes think that obedience is the same as compliance. When a parent says, “I can get my children to obey eventually,” that’s not obedience. Compliance is only part of obedience. When you say to your son, “It is time to go to bed now,” and he says, “As soon as I’m done with this game,” that’s not obedience; it’s an excuse for disobedience.
As parents, it’s okay to negotiate and compromise with our children sometimes, but too often children aren’t mature enough for this. In fact, they are demanding, unable to give up their agenda for someone else. Cooperation requires that both people give and take. In order to get to that stage, children must first learn how to sacrifice or follow. Once they learn that, true cooperation can take place.
Teach obedience and you will give your children a valuable gift that will be used for the rest of their lives.
Understanding Obedience
We live in a society where an emphasis on teaching obedience sounds to some like heavy-handed authoritarianism. Parents don’t want to be dictators so they sometimes move far away from anything that looks like being controlling. This is unfortunate since God is the one who gave the instructions for children to learn obedience. Hidden within this quality are the principles that will make children successful as they get older.
When children learn to obey they learn to give up their own agenda for someone else. They learn to listen to an instruction and follow through with it. They learn how to be responsible, check back, and complete a task. In short, when children learn obedience, they not only make family life easier but they also develop the character that will make them more valuable in the work place, the community, and the world. In fact, learning to obey parents teaches kids what they need in order to obey God.
We say that obedience is “doing what someone says, right away, without being reminded.” Children as young as three years old can memorize this simple definition and understand what it means. Parents sometimes think that obedience is the same as compliance. When a parent says, “I can get my children to obey eventually,” that’s not obedience. Compliance is only part of obedience. When you say to your son, “It is time to go to bed now,” and he says, “As soon as I’m done with this game,” that’s not obedience; it’s an excuse for disobedience.
As parents, it’s okay to negotiate and compromise with our children sometimes, but too often children aren’t mature enough for this. In fact, they are demanding, unable to give up their agenda for someone else. Cooperation requires that both people give and take. In order to get to that stage, children must first learn how to sacrifice or follow. Once they learn that, true cooperation can take place.
Teach obedience and you will give your children a valuable gift that will be used for the rest of their lives.
