Look for Ways to Make Discipline Positive
You may be saying, “Yes, I know discipline is supposed to be positive but how can I be positive when my kids are doing the wrong thing.” Here are two practical ways you can make your discipline times a positive experience.
One way is to state rules and requests in positive terms. Instead of saying, “Don’t shout,” you might say, “We talk quietly in the store.” Instead of “Stop being rough with the dog,” you might say, “Be gentle.” Instead of complaining about the clothes all over your four-year-old daughter’s room, you could say, “Remember, we put our clothes in the hamper when we take them off.”
It may take some work, but clearly stating or restating the rule in positive terms gives your child a clear picture of what you expect and keeps your interaction on a positive note. Give gentle, positive reminders to point your kids in the right direction.
A second way to be positive is to give children choices. Instead of saying, “Stop banging that drum,” you could say, “You may play that drum outside or in your room.” Or, “I’ve already said no to getting out the train set. You can either choose another activity or go outside to play for awhile.” By keeping discipline positive you are training and teaching. Choices help children move in a more constructive direction.
Ephesians 6:4 says, “Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.”
The first part of the verse describes a negative way of relating to children. Exasperate gives the impression of being harsh and causing discouragement. In place of that negative response, fathers are instructed to do something positive, bring their children up in the training and instruction of the Lord. As parents, we don’t want to discipline our kids to merely get rid of negative behaviors. The purpose of discipline is to train children and show them the positive direction they are to go.
For more practical ideas for working with your kids, consider the book, Home Improvement, The Parenting Book You Can Read to Your Kids Dr. Scott Turansky and Joanne Miller, RN, BSN.
Look for Ways to Make Discipline Positive
You may be saying, “Yes, I know discipline is supposed to be positive but how can I be positive when my kids are doing the wrong thing.” Here are two practical ways you can make your discipline times a positive experience.
One way is to state rules and requests in positive terms. Instead of saying, “Don’t shout,” you might say, “We talk quietly in the store.” Instead of “Stop being rough with the dog,” you might say, “Be gentle.” Instead of complaining about the clothes all over your four-year-old daughter’s room, you could say, “Remember, we put our clothes in the hamper when we take them off.”
It may take some work, but clearly stating or restating the rule in positive terms gives your child a clear picture of what you expect and keeps your interaction on a positive note. Give gentle, positive reminders to point your kids in the right direction.
A second way to be positive is to give children choices. Instead of saying, “Stop banging that drum,” you could say, “You may play that drum outside or in your room.” Or, “I’ve already said no to getting out the train set. You can either choose another activity or go outside to play for awhile.” By keeping discipline positive you are training and teaching. Choices help children move in a more constructive direction.
Ephesians 6:4 says, “Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.”
The first part of the verse describes a negative way of relating to children. Exasperate gives the impression of being harsh and causing discouragement. In place of that negative response, fathers are instructed to do something positive, bring their children up in the training and instruction of the Lord. As parents, we don’t want to discipline our kids to merely get rid of negative behaviors. The purpose of discipline is to train children and show them the positive direction they are to go.
For more practical ideas for working with your kids, consider the book, Home Improvement, The Parenting Book You Can Read to Your Kids Dr. Scott Turansky and Joanne Miller, RN, BSN.
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Parenting Tip
January 20, 2009
Approximately Right is Worth a Compliment
It’s easy to focus on how far children need to go instead of how far they’ve come. One way to keep a positive focus in your discipline is to look for approximately right behavior and affirm it. Don’t wait until things are absolutely right.
If you ask your child to clean up the toys but find that he’s only put away two things and left six out, you might say, “Oh, I see you put the blocks away, that’s great! and I like the way you lined up your trucks, now let me see you put the balls in the box where they belong.”
You’re encouraging steps in the right direction. One little boy was learning to dress himself and Mom had a rule that he needed to be dressed before coming to the breakfast table. When he came downstairs with his shirt on backwards and his shoes missing, she still praised him. He was trying. Pointing out his shortcomings would have been discouraging. He had tried and was feeling good. Mom wanted to encourage his efforts.
If your child is having as hard time finishing a homework assignment, you could be encouraging and point out how much she’s done, rather then focusing on how much is left.
Paul affirmed approximately right behavior when he recognized that we’re all in process. He encouraged the Philippians with these words, “He who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.” Paul was saying, “Be encouraged in the process because God is still working in you.” We give a gift to our children as we affirm them in process, not just completion.
This parenting tip is from the CD series Eight Secrets to Highly Effective Parenting by Dr. Scott Turansky and Joanne Miller, RN, BSN.
If this tip was sent to you by a friend and you’d like to continue to receive tips yourself, you can sign up at www.biblicalparenting.org.
• • • • •
Parenting Tip
January 20, 2009
Approximately Right is Worth a Compliment
It’s easy to focus on how far children need to go instead of how far they’ve come. One way to keep a positive focus in your discipline is to look for approximately right behavior and affirm it. Don’t wait until things are absolutely right.
If you ask your child to clean up the toys but find that he’s only put away two things and left six out, you might say, “Oh, I see you put the blocks away, that’s great! and I like the way you lined up your trucks, now let me see you put the balls in the box where they belong.”
You’re encouraging steps in the right direction. One little boy was learning to dress himself and Mom had a rule that he needed to be dressed before coming to the breakfast table. When he came downstairs with his shirt on backwards and his shoes missing, she still praised him. He was trying. Pointing out his shortcomings would have been discouraging. He had tried and was feeling good. Mom wanted to encourage his efforts.
If your child is having as hard time finishing a homework assignment, you could be encouraging and point out how much she’s done, rather then focusing on how much is left.
Paul affirmed approximately right behavior when he recognized that we’re all in process. He encouraged the Philippians with these words, “He who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.” Paul was saying, “Be encouraged in the process because God is still working in you.” We give a gift to our children as we affirm them in process, not just completion.
This parenting tip is from the CD series Eight Secrets to Highly Effective Parenting by Dr. Scott Turansky and Joanne Miller, RN, BSN.
If this tip was sent to you by a friend and you’d like to continue to receive tips yourself, you can sign up at www.biblicalparenting.org.
