July 12, 2010
Teaching Children to Look for Ways to Help
One of the parts of our honor definition is that we do more than what’s expected. That means seeing what needs to be done and doing it. It means solving problems instead leaving them for others. One family had a sign in their kitchen that read:
If it’s broken, fix it.
If it’s empty, fill it up.
If it’s open, shut it.
If it’s out, put it away.
If it’s messy, clean it up.
If you can’t, then report it.
That’s honor.
Take time to teach children that they don’t have to be asked in order to do a job. Honor means that we’re all contributing to family life. In fact, you may ask a child to go around the house and look for one job that needs to be done and do it, then report back to you.
These kinds of discussions and exercises will help children think outside of their little box and discover that they have a responsibility to the family. They can contribute to family life by just seeing something that needs to be done and doing it.
Of course, that’s what makes a valuable employee too so you can teach your children something more important than just how to get along better in your family. You may be preparing them to be outstanding employees as they get older.
July 12, 2010
Teaching Children to Look for Ways to Help
One of the parts of our honor definition is that we do more than what’s expected. That means seeing what needs to be done and doing it. It means solving problems instead leaving them for others. One family had a sign in their kitchen that read:
If it’s broken, fix it.
If it’s empty, fill it up.
If it’s open, shut it.
If it’s out, put it away.
If it’s messy, clean it up.
If you can’t, then report it.
That’s honor.
Take time to teach children that they don’t have to be asked in order to do a job. Honor means that we’re all contributing to family life. In fact, you may ask a child to go around the house and look for one job that needs to be done and do it, then report back to you.
These kinds of discussions and exercises will help children think outside of their little box and discover that they have a responsibility to the family. They can contribute to family life by just seeing something that needs to be done and doing it.
Of course, that’s what makes a valuable employee too so you can teach your children something more important than just how to get along better in your family. You may be preparing them to be outstanding employees as they get older.
We usually post something about upcoming events or camps or new things going on here at C3. That being said, this week may seem a little different. If it’s not clear who writes these posts, it’s none other than C3’s Program Director, Stephen. I want to share with you(students, parents, members, and everything in between) three resources I have found around the web and internet that has totally blessed and strengthened my relationship with the Lord.
The first thing I want to show you is an amazing bible resource website. www.biblegateway.com . Bible Gateway has over 50 translations in over 20 languages. The best thing about Bible Gateway is it’s completely free. They have keyword searching, a topical index, and a handful of commentaries to accompany the scripture you are reading. I use Bible Gateway whenever I need cross references or insight into a verse, whether for a message or my own studies.
The next resource I want to direct you towards is podcasts. Wikipedia defines a podcast as a series of digital media files (either audio or video) that are released episodically and downloaded through web syndication. There are thousands of podcasts on all sorts of subjects, from politics to cooking recipes. What I have found is that a large amount of churches(including ours) started creating podcasts of their Sunday messages. I have found these very inspiring and useful to learn and see how other pastors and churches do church. One of my favorites are Francis Chan from Cornerstone Church in Simi Valley. Currently, they’re iTunes podcast is down, but here’s a link to their church website’s stream of messages. This is a great way to hear more than one message a week or to catch up on a message you might have missed from Pastor Kevin. There are some amazing speakers out there giving away their knowledge. I believe these podcasts have been well worth my time.
Finally, I want to draw your attention to blogs. Whether it’s a pastor or just a regular “joe shmo”, reading through other people’s ideas and thoughts on Christianity have helped and encouraged me to think through my faith and what I believe. Again, there are hundreds, if not thousands of these around the web. These just happen to be one that I have found useful. Jon Acuff is the creator and author of Stuff Christians Like. This is the description taken from the blog: “Does the stuff we like, ever get in the way of the God we love? That’s the question Stuff Christians Like is all about. Started on March 21, 2008 as a reaction to the wildly popular blog Stuff White People Like which was created by Christian Lander, Stuff Christians Like is a blog about the funny things we Christians do. And what they just might reveal about our faith.”. This blog is packed with hilarity and insight into the world of christians we all know(or might be). Reading not only Jon’s posts, but the replies and post of other people have given me insight into how other people see our world and our God.
Hopefully, if you made it through this whole post, you’ve found at least one thing helpful. If not, sorry about that. Check out this video. I hope that makes up for my incoherent ramblings.
-Stephen
Matt. 5:16
We usually post something about upcoming events or camps or new things going on here at C3. That being said, this week may seem a little different. If it’s not clear who writes these posts, it’s none other than C3’s Program Director, Stephen. I want to share with you(students, parents, members, and everything in between) three resources I have found around the web and internet that has totally blessed and strengthened my relationship with the Lord.
The first thing I want to show you is an amazing bible resource website. www.biblegateway.com . Bible Gateway has over 50 translations in over 20 languages. The best thing about Bible Gateway is it’s completely free. They have keyword searching, a topical index, and a handful of commentaries to accompany the scripture you are reading. I use Bible Gateway whenever I need cross references or insight into a verse, whether for a message or my own studies.
The next resource I want to direct you towards is podcasts. Wikipedia defines a podcast as a series of digital media files (either audio or video) that are released episodically and downloaded through web syndication. There are thousands of podcasts on all sorts of subjects, from politics to cooking recipes. What I have found is that a large amount of churches(including ours) started creating podcasts of their Sunday messages. I have found these very inspiring and useful to learn and see how other pastors and churches do church. One of my favorites are Francis Chan from Cornerstone Church in Simi Valley. Currently, they’re iTunes podcast is down, but here’s a link to their church website’s stream of messages. This is a great way to hear more than one message a week or to catch up on a message you might have missed from Pastor Kevin. There are some amazing speakers out there giving away their knowledge. I believe these podcasts have been well worth my time.
Finally, I want to draw your attention to blogs. Whether it’s a pastor or just a regular “joe shmo”, reading through other people’s ideas and thoughts on Christianity have helped and encouraged me to think through my faith and what I believe. Again, there are hundreds, if not thousands of these around the web. These just happen to be one that I have found useful. Jon Acuff is the creator and author of Stuff Christians Like. This is the description taken from the blog: “Does the stuff we like, ever get in the way of the God we love? That’s the question Stuff Christians Like is all about. Started on March 21, 2008 as a reaction to the wildly popular blog Stuff White People Like which was created by Christian Lander, Stuff Christians Like is a blog about the funny things we Christians do. And what they just might reveal about our faith.”. This blog is packed with hilarity and insight into the world of christians we all know(or might be). Reading not only Jon’s posts, but the replies and post of other people have given me insight into how other people see our world and our God.
Hopefully, if you made it through this whole post, you’ve found at least one thing helpful. If not, sorry about that. Check out this video. I hope that makes up for my incoherent ramblings.
-Stephen
Matt. 5:16
If you are grieving the loss of a loved one, you don’t have to walk the journey alone. The Grief Recovery Support Group is a safe place to share with others who are on their own grief journeys. If your heart is hurting, we’re here to listen and offer support. A new group will be starting this fall. For further information, contact Stephanie Maxey at 831.655.0100, x336 or smaxey@shorelinechurch.org.
If you are grieving the loss of a loved one, you don’t have to walk the journey alone. The Grief Recovery Support Group is a safe place to share with others who are on their own grief journeys. If your heart is hurting, we’re here to listen and offer support. A new group will be starting this fall. For further information, contact Stephanie Maxey at 831.655.0100, x336 or smaxey@shorelinechurch.org.
July 9, 2009
Understanding Why We Get Angry
One of the helpful steps in equipping children to control their anger is to recognize four causes of anger. After kids have settled down and you debrief with them about their anger, talk about what’s causing it. You and your child may see patterns and then be able to head off the problem earlier next time.
1) Blocked Goals. This is the kind of thing that happens to you, as a parent, when you want to do a project in the playroom and find that Billy has left his Legos all over the floor and you keep stepping on them. Or, Billy may want to play with his train set only to find that his sister is using it first. These are blocked goals.
2) Violated Rights. That’s when you, as a parent, are in the bathroom and your daughter keeps knocking on the door. You believe you have the right to go to the bathroom in peace. Your daughter may get angry because her brother came into her room and took her favorite CD. Those are violated rights.
3) Unmet Expectations. You had expected that when you got home you would be able to rest but instead you find a big mess. Or Jackie thought she would be going to McDonalds but instead you chose to go to Pizza Hut. Those are unmet expectations.
4) Experiencing Unfairness. When someone takes a toy from a younger child, you may feel angry as a parent because you see unfairness. Or, Tom may feel angry with his teacher because she picked someone else for a privilege he thought he deserved. Those unfair situations can provoke anger.
Whatever the situation, after a child has settled down, talk about the cause. Discuss the value of sacrificing rights, readjusting goals or expectations, and handling unfairness in a godly way. By examining the causes of anger, you can help children gain greater perspective and develop longer lasting strategies for managing their emotions.
For more ideas about helping children deal with anger, consider the CD set, Eight Secrets to Highly Effective Parenting, by Dr. Scott Turansky and Joanne Miller, RN, BSN. A plan is also sold separately in an individual CD entitled, Helping Children Deal with Anger.
July 9, 2009
Understanding Why We Get Angry
One of the helpful steps in equipping children to control their anger is to recognize four causes of anger. After kids have settled down and you debrief with them about their anger, talk about what’s causing it. You and your child may see patterns and then be able to head off the problem earlier next time.
1) Blocked Goals. This is the kind of thing that happens to you, as a parent, when you want to do a project in the playroom and find that Billy has left his Legos all over the floor and you keep stepping on them. Or, Billy may want to play with his train set only to find that his sister is using it first. These are blocked goals.
2) Violated Rights. That’s when you, as a parent, are in the bathroom and your daughter keeps knocking on the door. You believe you have the right to go to the bathroom in peace. Your daughter may get angry because her brother came into her room and took her favorite CD. Those are violated rights.
3) Unmet Expectations. You had expected that when you got home you would be able to rest but instead you find a big mess. Or Jackie thought she would be going to McDonalds but instead you chose to go to Pizza Hut. Those are unmet expectations.
4) Experiencing Unfairness. When someone takes a toy from a younger child, you may feel angry as a parent because you see unfairness. Or, Tom may feel angry with his teacher because she picked someone else for a privilege he thought he deserved. Those unfair situations can provoke anger.
Whatever the situation, after a child has settled down, talk about the cause. Discuss the value of sacrificing rights, readjusting goals or expectations, and handling unfairness in a godly way. By examining the causes of anger, you can help children gain greater perspective and develop longer lasting strategies for managing their emotions.
For more ideas about helping children deal with anger, consider the CD set, Eight Secrets to Highly Effective Parenting, by Dr. Scott Turansky and Joanne Miller, RN, BSN. A plan is also sold separately in an individual CD entitled, Helping Children Deal with Anger.
• • • • •
Parenting Tip
May 19, 2009
Sad Instead of Mad
Often parents have a inadequate repertoire of discipline techniques so they do what comes naturally—they use anger as a consequence. Anger becomes the punishment that children learn to fear and the result is distance in relationships. Parents want to express disapproval for misbehavior and anger becomes the vehicle for showing it.
Imagine this scenario: You’re making dinner and your six-year-old daughter, Amy, comes into the room complaining that she’s hungry. You tell her that you’re making dinner and that she needs to wait. She persists and complains that she hasn’t eaten all day. You remind her that she had a snack a few hours ago and then encourage her to leave the room.
Instead of leaving, she begins to whine, “I’m starving.” Finally you sigh and offer her a banana or an apple. “I don’t like bananas! I don’t want an apple!” Okay, you give in. You offer her some milk and a cookie. Amy is so excited she jumps up…and knocks over the milk! You’ve had it! That was the last straw. Now you’re really angry and yell, “What’s the matter with you? Now look what you’ve done!!”
Think a minute. What caused you to lose control? Was it the spilled milk, or was it the fifteen minutes of whining and complaining? If we wait until we become angry to discipline, then we end up responding like a time bomb. Our children can never be sure when we’ll explode.
In this situation, Mom needed to take action earlier. “Amy, it makes me sad that you keep asking after I said ‘No.’ You need to go to your room until I call you for dinner.”
In honor-based parenting, anger and its accompanying distance are not appropriate consequences. Instead, parents learn to reflect sorrow. Some parents may feel like hypocrites because they don’t feel sad, they feel mad. But it doesn’t take long for a parent to recognize that the sorrow is there. It’s just masked by the anger. If you peel away the anger you will genuinely feel sad that your child is acting out or choosing to disobey. You see that their misbehavior will lead to an unhappy and unsuccessful life. Reflecting sadness is much more beneficial to the child and to the relationship.
Try it; you may be surprised. Children often open up in response to sadness and you may end up with a productive conversation. Sadness opens relationships; anger shuts them down. It may take some practice, and self control, but your relationships with your kids will benefit in the end.
This tip comes from the book, Say Goodbye to Whining, Complaining, and Bad Attitudes, In You and Your Kids by Dr Scott Turansky and Joanne Miller, RN, BSN.
• • • • •
Parenting Tip
May 19, 2009
Sad Instead of Mad
Often parents have a inadequate repertoire of discipline techniques so they do what comes naturally—they use anger as a consequence. Anger becomes the punishment that children learn to fear and the result is distance in relationships. Parents want to express disapproval for misbehavior and anger becomes the vehicle for showing it.
Imagine this scenario: You’re making dinner and your six-year-old daughter, Amy, comes into the room complaining that she’s hungry. You tell her that you’re making dinner and that she needs to wait. She persists and complains that she hasn’t eaten all day. You remind her that she had a snack a few hours ago and then encourage her to leave the room.
Instead of leaving, she begins to whine, “I’m starving.” Finally you sigh and offer her a banana or an apple. “I don’t like bananas! I don’t want an apple!” Okay, you give in. You offer her some milk and a cookie. Amy is so excited she jumps up…and knocks over the milk! You’ve had it! That was the last straw. Now you’re really angry and yell, “What’s the matter with you? Now look what you’ve done!!”
Think a minute. What caused you to lose control? Was it the spilled milk, or was it the fifteen minutes of whining and complaining? If we wait until we become angry to discipline, then we end up responding like a time bomb. Our children can never be sure when we’ll explode.
In this situation, Mom needed to take action earlier. “Amy, it makes me sad that you keep asking after I said ‘No.’ You need to go to your room until I call you for dinner.”
In honor-based parenting, anger and its accompanying distance are not appropriate consequences. Instead, parents learn to reflect sorrow. Some parents may feel like hypocrites because they don’t feel sad, they feel mad. But it doesn’t take long for a parent to recognize that the sorrow is there. It’s just masked by the anger. If you peel away the anger you will genuinely feel sad that your child is acting out or choosing to disobey. You see that their misbehavior will lead to an unhappy and unsuccessful life. Reflecting sadness is much more beneficial to the child and to the relationship.
Try it; you may be surprised. Children often open up in response to sadness and you may end up with a productive conversation. Sadness opens relationships; anger shuts them down. It may take some practice, and self control, but your relationships with your kids will benefit in the end.
This tip comes from the book, Say Goodbye to Whining, Complaining, and Bad Attitudes, In You and Your Kids by Dr Scott Turansky and Joanne Miller, RN, BSN.
