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Parenting Tip
December 9, 2008
Resolving Anger Doesn’t Require Venting
When we talk about calming down and controlling anger, we don’t mean denying it. Some people may think that controlling anger means ignoring it, pushing it away, or stifling it. That is unproductive. We want to teach children a strategy to address their feelings and manage them in a healthy way. Anger should not be stifled and ignored, but rage does need to be controlled.
Some people believe that the only way to get rid of anger is to drain it by venting. Unfortunately, this venting doesn’t take into consideration the person upon whom that anger is vented. Venting anger is selfish and hurtful to others; it’s a demonstration of a lack of self-control.
Often the expression of anger is harmful and hurtful to other people. Proverbs 29:11 says, “A fool gives full vent to his anger, but a wise man keeps himself under control.” Venting anger may bring immediate resolution on a feeling level. Exploding and venting anger often helps a person feel better. The problem is, allowing children to vent their anger doesn’t teach them how to manage it in a constructive way. So the next time the child feels enraged, he is more likely to be explosive.
The solution is to help children learn to control their emotions and funnel the energy into constructive solutions. The most important key in any anger management plan is to learn to stop and take a break from the situation to settle down and then reenter in a more self controlled way.
Refuse to dialogue with children when they’re angry. Require an angry child to sit in the hall or on the bottom step and settle down before proceeding. If you dialogue with an angry child you may even get angry as well and then a battle will ensue. Don’t let anger control your family dynamics. If your child even begins to get angry, stop the process sooner.
By the way, this works with husbands and wives too!
For a strategy for helping children who struggle with anger, consider the CD available for $6 called Helping Children Deal with Anger, by Dr. Scott Turansky and Joanne Miller, RN, BSN.
• • • • •
Parenting Tip
December 9, 2008
Resolving Anger Doesn’t Require Venting
When we talk about calming down and controlling anger, we don’t mean denying it. Some people may think that controlling anger means ignoring it, pushing it away, or stifling it. That is unproductive. We want to teach children a strategy to address their feelings and manage them in a healthy way. Anger should not be stifled and ignored, but rage does need to be controlled.
Some people believe that the only way to get rid of anger is to drain it by venting. Unfortunately, this venting doesn’t take into consideration the person upon whom that anger is vented. Venting anger is selfish and hurtful to others; it’s a demonstration of a lack of self-control.
Often the expression of anger is harmful and hurtful to other people. Proverbs 29:11 says, “A fool gives full vent to his anger, but a wise man keeps himself under control.” Venting anger may bring immediate resolution on a feeling level. Exploding and venting anger often helps a person feel better. The problem is, allowing children to vent their anger doesn’t teach them how to manage it in a constructive way. So the next time the child feels enraged, he is more likely to be explosive.
The solution is to help children learn to control their emotions and funnel the energy into constructive solutions. The most important key in any anger management plan is to learn to stop and take a break from the situation to settle down and then reenter in a more self controlled way.
Refuse to dialogue with children when they’re angry. Require an angry child to sit in the hall or on the bottom step and settle down before proceeding. If you dialogue with an angry child you may even get angry as well and then a battle will ensue. Don’t let anger control your family dynamics. If your child even begins to get angry, stop the process sooner.
By the way, this works with husbands and wives too!
For a strategy for helping children who struggle with anger, consider the CD available for $6 called Helping Children Deal with Anger, by Dr. Scott Turansky and Joanne Miller, RN, BSN.
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Parenting Tip
Another Way to Teach Kids Honor
One of the ways that parents can teach honor to children is to include it in the instruction process. You might say, “I’d like you to obey me by setting the table, then I want you to think of something extra to do to surprise me. That’s showing honor. You choose; it’s up to you. Report to me when you’re done and I’ll check your work.”
Surprising parents delights them and focuses on something they want or need. Instructing children to surprise you by doing something extra teaches them to think about your needs and desires not just getting away with the bare minimum. When your child does an extra task, it’s like giving you a gift. Receive the gift with delight. This can be a fun way to teach honor.
Honor involves doing more than what’s expected. All family members need to learn honor and children can learn it when parents teach it. So look for ways to teach kids to do more than what’s expected in daily life. It will not only make family life better now but it will also help kids be more successful as they get older.
This parenting tip comes from the book Say Goodbye to Whining, Complaining, and Bad Attitudes, In You and Your Kids, by Dr. Scott Turansky and Joanne Miller, RN, BSN.
• • • • •
Parenting Tip
Another Way to Teach Kids Honor
One of the ways that parents can teach honor to children is to include it in the instruction process. You might say, “I’d like you to obey me by setting the table, then I want you to think of something extra to do to surprise me. That’s showing honor. You choose; it’s up to you. Report to me when you’re done and I’ll check your work.”
Surprising parents delights them and focuses on something they want or need. Instructing children to surprise you by doing something extra teaches them to think about your needs and desires not just getting away with the bare minimum. When your child does an extra task, it’s like giving you a gift. Receive the gift with delight. This can be a fun way to teach honor.
Honor involves doing more than what’s expected. All family members need to learn honor and children can learn it when parents teach it. So look for ways to teach kids to do more than what’s expected in daily life. It will not only make family life better now but it will also help kids be more successful as they get older.
This parenting tip comes from the book Say Goodbye to Whining, Complaining, and Bad Attitudes, In You and Your Kids, by Dr. Scott Turansky and Joanne Miller, RN, BSN.
Teaching Character to Three-Year-Olds
Different character qualities can be emphasized at different developmental stages. A newborn, for example, learns about love, trust, and a positive view of the world because of the loving care given by parents.
As children grow and develop, new character qualities are added to the picture. Preschoolers are at a strategic age to learn so much about life. Creativity, compassion, patience, confidence, and cooperation are just a few of the many new qualities that begin to develop during these years.
Two character qualities, in particular, become a focus in the parent/child relationship: Self-discipline and responsiveness to authority. But please don’t think that teaching these qualities requires harshness, demandingness, or an authoritarian approach. Rather, these qualities can be taught with a loving firmness that prepares children for greater success in life.
Preschoolers learn self-discipline skills by coming when called instead of running away. These children also learn about a bedtime and how to hold a parent’s hand in a store or out in public. Children resist these attempts to help them learn to give up their agenda, but that’s what self-discipline is all about. Even adults resist a diet, staying on a budget, or an exercise program. If we can teach children self-discipline when they’re preschoolers, they’ll begin to develop significant tools for when they get older.
Talk about self-discipline with preschoolers. They may not understand the term yet, but they’ll grow into it. We can teach self-discipline through a number of family rules. When we go into a store, we have the “No Touch Rule.” When in a library or bank, we may use the “Don’t be Wild Rule.” When you first teach rules like these, start by making them fun. Teach the rules like a game, then put them into practice in life and enforce the new rules with repetition and practice.
“But my kids won’t do these things,” you may say. And maybe they won’t unless you practice. But the preschool years are an excellent time to build some character qualities that will last a long time in a child’s life.
This parenting tip is from the book Home Improvement: The Parenting Book You Can Read to Your Kids by Dr. Scott Turansky and Joanne Miller, RN, BSN.
Teaching Character to Three-Year-Olds
Different character qualities can be emphasized at different developmental stages. A newborn, for example, learns about love, trust, and a positive view of the world because of the loving care given by parents.
As children grow and develop, new character qualities are added to the picture. Preschoolers are at a strategic age to learn so much about life. Creativity, compassion, patience, confidence, and cooperation are just a few of the many new qualities that begin to develop during these years.
Two character qualities, in particular, become a focus in the parent/child relationship: Self-discipline and responsiveness to authority. But please don’t think that teaching these qualities requires harshness, demandingness, or an authoritarian approach. Rather, these qualities can be taught with a loving firmness that prepares children for greater success in life.
Preschoolers learn self-discipline skills by coming when called instead of running away. These children also learn about a bedtime and how to hold a parent’s hand in a store or out in public. Children resist these attempts to help them learn to give up their agenda, but that’s what self-discipline is all about. Even adults resist a diet, staying on a budget, or an exercise program. If we can teach children self-discipline when they’re preschoolers, they’ll begin to develop significant tools for when they get older.
Talk about self-discipline with preschoolers. They may not understand the term yet, but they’ll grow into it. We can teach self-discipline through a number of family rules. When we go into a store, we have the “No Touch Rule.” When in a library or bank, we may use the “Don’t be Wild Rule.” When you first teach rules like these, start by making them fun. Teach the rules like a game, then put them into practice in life and enforce the new rules with repetition and practice.
“But my kids won’t do these things,” you may say. And maybe they won’t unless you practice. But the preschool years are an excellent time to build some character qualities that will last a long time in a child’s life.
This parenting tip is from the book Home Improvement: The Parenting Book You Can Read to Your Kids by Dr. Scott Turansky and Joanne Miller, RN, BSN.
